PEAKISMS-Home of the Lowest Common Denominator

Mr. Burgess Strikes Again….REMOVE!

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on May 30, 2010

Good Marriage=No Sloppy Eggs

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on May 30, 2010

Gotta Cut The Yard Today

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on May 30, 2010

My yard looks like ass.  At the beginning of this spring the whole back yard was a weed.  It looked like a foreclosure back there.  I broke down and hired someone to handle the weeds and fertilizer.  I had to let my yard man go early in the recession.  My yard man was a very nice older black man who had an entire crew of Mexicans.  He told me he had to fire all the black guys because they wouldn’t work…and he’s black.  I miss my yard man.  I have to get out there and do it myself now.  I’m thinking of getting one of those 80s mesh tank tops to wear while I work in the yard.  In the eighties only trash wore them but they did look comfortable.  I bet the breeze feels great coming through those little holes.  The guy in the photo looks comfortable except for the mullet and the shitstache.  I bet he pulled some serious tail back in the 80s.  I can see him driving up to his trailer in one of those Trans Ams.  I bet he kicked some ass in his day.  I might just have to get one of those mullet wigs too.  I’ve got to figure out a way to make this grass cutting interesting because I really dread doing it.

Nasty Manboobs

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on May 29, 2010

I’m sitting here watching Howard Stern’s Manboob contest.  Thought I would share this nasty photo with you guys….I feel really hot after watching these nasty SOBs….sucks to be them…one interesting note is that the black guy on the left said that all of his girlfriends have enjoyed sucking on his….gotta go…I just threw up in my mouth

I guess getting chicks is not high on this guy’s priority list

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on May 28, 2010

A Wingman is supposed to hang in there no matter what…unless it’s a dude.

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on May 27, 2010

Give Them Something to Talk About

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on May 27, 2010

I came up with an idea that I am going to put in motion.  My house is on a road that everyone in the area has to go down to get to the closest grocery store.  I can’t even cut my yard without seeing someone I know come by.  I have people ask me all the time what I was doing in the front yard or who was that person etc.  People are nosey and love to talk about what other people are doing so here’s the plan.  I want to give them something they can really talk about.  I’m on the search for a man or a woman to perform this task.  All they will have to do is wash my car in the driveway on a Saturday for an hour.  If a man performs the task here is what he’ll wear:  Yellow speedo, wraparound Gargoyle sunglasses, some kind of cheesy gold necklace.  He will have a twelve pack of Tab sitting on top of the car.  He can only drink Tab while washing the car so he looks like the biggest fag possible.   If it’s a woman she can wear dominatrix outfit.   She will also have one of those Nazi hats that professional dominatrix wear.  We may even have her wear a ball gag for added effect.  I’ll have her look at people as they drive by and swing her whip.(It will probably give some twisted old man a boner)  When this goes down I will post pictures…no worries.

More Information available upon request

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on May 25, 2010

I was reading an article in Maxim about this town in the mountains of China.  It’s called the Kingdom of the Dwarves.  There are about 80 midgets that live up there and their sole purpose is to amuse tourists.  They live in castle-like homes and they dance around in fairy costumes.  If any of you sick freaks need more information shoot me an email and I’ll hook you up.  I might go with you.  I like being amused.  I bet I could drink those midgets under the table.

By the way, when I was typing this my word processor kept underlining the word “midget” in red.  I guess those tree huggers at Microsoft thought that might be an offensive term that needed to be replaced.  Midget Midget Midget Midget Midget Midget Midget Midget Midget…underline that bitch.

I love stupid People. They keep life interesting.

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on May 25, 2010

A Great Saleswoman

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on May 25, 2010

I just got done running at the park here in town.  I was walking to my car and looked over and there are these four fat women doing aerobics.  They had a stereo system out there with music and mats…looked like a legit class was going on.  The woman who the other women were taking their instruction from was actually giving a passerby her phone number so she could join the class too.  I guess she actually gets paid to give the class.  There was only one problem….the trainer was as big as my house.  This fat woman has talked three other fat women into paying her to get them fit….and she’s working on the fourth fat woman.  I thought those people on infomercials could sell.  This woman is a living example of the fact that her training program WILL NOT work and they are buying anyway.  Great sales job fatty!