PEAKISMS-Home of the Lowest Common Denominator

I always wondered how these kids started screwing when they were 6…

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on August 27, 2010

looks like they had good parental instruction on grinding etc….my parents did me a diservice.  My home was a no grinding zone.

http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhy8801t7C1OSW49CP

King of Kong

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on August 25, 2010

I started watching this documentary the other day about this guy that loses his job and then decides to try and beat the record score on the Arcade Donkey Kong.  This is hilarious.  This guy doesn’t realize it but he is entering a world of nerds that are deadly serious about protecting the highest score.  The funniest part is the guy who has held the best score since the 80s.  His name is Billy Mitchell.  Now you’ve all met guys that are cocky because they are the best sports athlete or they pull tons of bush….but to watch this middle aged nerd with a semi mullet as he arrogantly walks through the Arcade is just priceless.  Here is part 1.  The scene opens with Billy Mitchell so you’ll get to see what you’re dealing with right from the start.  I think you can watch the whole movie on Youtube bitches.

I love the support he gets from all the other kids

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on August 22, 2010

Crystal Light National (Gay?) Aerobic Championship

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on August 21, 2010

If this guy was my preacher my wife would never have a problem…

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on August 19, 2010

getting me up and ready to go.  The spirit of truth is back.

Ruthless line from the David Hasselhoff Roast on Comedy Central

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on August 18, 2010

This Whitney Cummings chick is hard core.  Best line of the night is when she says to Pam Anderson:  “You slept with Bret Michaels, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock.  Why don’t you just save yourself some time and drink a vat of Magic Johnson’s blood”?

Pam Anderson was pretty damn close to breaking into tears…..sucks to be a dirty whore Pam.

Body Gospel

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on August 18, 2010

You’ve got to be kidding me.  I woke up a little early this morning and one of those infomercials was on.  It was called “Body Gospel”.  When are they going to start putting these crooks in jail for robbing these poor dumb fat asses.  The basic concept of “Body Gospel” is the same shit where fat ass does a workout in front of the TV but you listen to Gospel music.  Once fat asses waste their money on this, within a month it will be on the shelf between the Richard Simmons Deal a Meal cards and the Taebo vhs.   God didn’t turn you fat asses into the lard ass you are….Cheetos did.

Body Gospel did give me a great idea that I think would work.  I would call it “Body Porn”  A fat guy could watch pornos while working out.  Although he may have a boner, there would be some excercises that would be boner friendly.  He would lose excess weight because he will stroke his wang after the excercise.  Since this is the closest to bush he will ever be since he won’t really ever hold the weight off , he will at least have the porn when he stops working out.  I guess we could call it “Body Bush”

Building a Mosque near the site of 9/11

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on August 17, 2010

I think they are making way too big a deal out of building a Moslem Mosque near the site of 9/11.  This could actually be a great tourist attraction and revenue source for the City of New York and I believe could attract more tourists to pay their respects.  All that we need to do is have the City Council in New York impose a simple requirement on the builders of the Mosque.  They should require that the builders build the largest public bathroom in New York City inside the Mosque so that all tourists will have a place close to the 9/11 site to drop a load.  The City could then charge $10 for a dump and $2 for each visitor to take a piss.  All proceeds could be donated to the families of 9/11 victims.  I know that I personally would eat a few extra hot dogs at the hot dog vendors just so I could take a large shit at the Mosque before visiting the 9/11 site.  I hope I don’t accidentally shit on the floor because I would hate for these Moslems to smell my shit while they are praying to Allah or wacking their monkeys thinking about their 99 virgins or whatever bullshit they have in mind.  I think we should start a website called www.takeadumpatthe911mosque.com

Peakisms would love to hear from others who would like to take a huge shit at the 9/11 Mosque.  We need to make this the largest and most disgusting public bathroom in the United States

The vendors there could sell Tshirts that say “My asshole waged a holy war on the 9/11 Mosque Bathroom”

Best Scene in The Jersey Shore This week

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on August 13, 2010

Gotta love “The Situation”  He had the best line again this week.  These dudes went out to a bar, got drunk and brought back some chicks.  They get in the hot tub with these chicks and then he’s later giving a recap.  He says he’s sitting their and splashes some water up on his face and realizes that they’ve brought home “Grenades”(ugly chicks).  Don’t worry Situation, there are many men before you who have had the same experience.  These Grenades take advantage of us at our weakest point when we get drunk.  I guess even Grenades need some lovin.

Here is a clip about Grenades from last season where he calls a fat ugly chick a HUGE GRENADE LAUNCHER

General Tso

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on August 12, 2010

I have been having a Chinese Food craving for the last eight months and finally went and got some tonight.  I had General Tso chicken.  I’ve always wondered who in the hell this General Tso guy was.  I guess he must have been some General in old China back in the day that went to restaurants all the time and ate some certain kind of chicken.  I guess he was a bad ass in his day or something.  But if he ate that Chinese stuff all the time I bet he was a real fat ass as he got older.  That stuff is so heavy on you I bet the good General could barely move at night.  I bet he farted up a storm when he got home.  The General’s wife must have been pissed all the time.  They should have called him General TsAss because I bet he smelled like it.