PEAKISMS-Home of the Lowest Common Denominator

Hmmm…I wonder if this guy is a perv?????

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on September 30, 2010

Would have been a much better video if someone had sideswiped the tard

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on September 29, 2010

WTF

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on September 28, 2010

Letter I wrote to my son’s soccer coach

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on September 23, 2010
Coach,
 
It is with deep regret that I inform you that my son  will not be able to participate in the upcoming game.  He will be out of town.  We are sorry for the tremendous loss to the team and will do our best to make sure he attends all future games. 
 
On another note, ******* Liquor Store was robbed last night.  This is the latest in a string of violent crimes in the area.  Due to this latest robbery, my wife and I are growing more and more uneasy about our son practicing at the park.  In the past I have been able to go to the liquor store that was robbed to pick up wine after my son’s practice.  Now, I am afraid to take the family to that liquor store.  I will have to go all the way to the drive thru at the ********** Road liquor store.(That store has Woodbridge Chardonnay which is our favorite cheap wine)  For this reason we ask if our practices could be transferred(maybe to the field beside **********). 
 
Thanks for your consideration,
 
Concerned Parent

Kicked off my son’s Star Wars Team

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on September 21, 2010
My son is very into playing Star Wars now. He says that he is Boba Fett and I am Dark Vader and we’re on the same team.  This morning I farted….he has had enough of my farts… he told me that if I keep tooting I will be kicked off his team…..I think he was born on the wrong team if this bothers him so much…he’s got a long hard life ahead of him….and Darth Vader doesn’t toot…he farts.  I called my wife and told her what he said.  She said she’s been wanting to kick me off her team too for the same reason.
I rock

“Listening” To your significant other

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on September 21, 2010

Just heard a good line from a comedian.  You know you are gay when you listen to your wife or girlfriend.  I will explain this “bright side” to my wife next time I am not listening to her.

The Dark Side

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on September 20, 2010

I was just driving my son to school and he asked me if he could be Boba Fett from Star Wars for Halloween.  I said sure and then said that I would be Darth Vader(he pronounces it Dark Vader).  He said:  “But Dark Vader is a bad guy”.  I said “So is Boba Fett, he works for Darth Vader”.  This seemed to create a real dilemma in his four year old mind.  He explained that he wanted to be a good guy and I told him that if he wanted to be Boba Fett he was going to need to come over to the “Dark Side”.  So he says “Ok, I’ll come over to the dark side, but just for a little bit”.  I said “No my son, you just don’t realize the power of the dark side, it’s not a part time job”  It was funny because we were actually in the scene.  He starts having a conversation with me as if I’m Dark Vader.  “Dark Vader, is Luke Skywalker your son” , he says.  So I said “Yes, but if he will not come over to the dark side we must destroy him”.  “But he’s your son, Dark Vader”….he couldn’t possibly learn as much at school today as he learned on the way.  It looked like those wheels were turning when I dropped him off.

It’ 3:15 AM and I’m wide awake

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on September 17, 2010

Just woke up with a huge roach crawling on my face.  I’m wide awake and haven’t even had my coffee.  I wonder how much shit that roach had walked through before walking on my face…I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Great new iphone App

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on September 13, 2010

I heard there is hot new iphone app.  All you have to do is fart on your iphone and it immediately checks your phone’s system to make sure it’s running optimally.  Who comes up with this shit?  That would be like farting in your wife’s face to see how the marriage is going.

Would you let Amazon Amanda Sit on your face?

Posted in Uncategorized by peakisms on September 12, 2010